Letters & Testimonies

I just wanted to say thank you for the time you spent at my church

Hello Glenda and Philip,  

I just wanted to say thank you for the time you spent at my church and for the impact that both of you personally had on me.

Your message has been as challenging to me as I am sure it has been to many who hear it.  Like so many others, my childhood was abusive. My four siblings and I all had to deal with our individual trials and tortures the best way that we could. We grew up as five children under one roof but all alone in our worlds. Like we heard on the weekend, broken people break people. My father beat, molested, tortured, locked up and mentally abused us and made sure that the whole family knew that it was my fault that he behaved this way. Even then I would cry out to God in anger, begging Him to show me how to change so that people could love me. 

I never knew why my mother wouldn't look at me or talk to me or even let me sit with her until she told her friend, in front of me when I was ten that the worst thing that ever happened to her was finding out that she was expecting me when my sister was only 3 months old. She said that she gave me to a doctor at the hospital for the first nine to eleven months of my life. (I still don't know if this is true) She then went on to outline my every fault as if I was not even there. I actually believed that I was invisible and I was too scared to cry in case they suddenly realized that I was sat in front of them. 

When I was thirteen, my dad made me sit for five hours without moving while he babbled stuff about every topic that popped into his head, including the fact that he named me after a woman that he was sleeping with while mum was pregnant with me because she refused to name me.  I didn't sleep at night because I discovered when I was eleven that he was sneaking into my room. Even though people knew about at least the abuse that they had witnessed, (My siblings and I never talked about it even to each other.) it was only when I was fourteen that one of dad's friends went to the Department of Community Welfare. They summoned me to the student counselor’s office and grilled and interrogated me as if I was suspected of some heinous crime. They lied to me, made it impossible for me to return home (and live through it) and then abandoned me. My only goal in life was to finish high school but without a home or financial support, I saw out the year and got a job. I suppose to say that I have suffered self worth problems is an understatement. Although I was saved just before I turned fourteen, my suicidal thoughts and behavior were never addressed until I began counseling three years ago, after I met my pastor and his wife.  (My little sister committed suicide at 25, leaving behind two babies less than three years) I have understood the power of forgiveness for many years but I just never understood what forgiveness was and was not. It just seemed to pile more and more guilt on me.

Last year (2006), when I first attended your seminar, as difficult as I found it, I really felt that I had a much better, healthier understanding of forgiveness.  Your ministry, your kindness to me and the gift of the CD (Feb 07) really made an impact on me. I really didn't want to make this a novel or bore you with a saga but I wanted you to understand how much this means to me. I played the CD on Sunday night. Although I thought I had dealt with my past as well as I could, listening to the CD was a jolt. I have been keeping anger and resentment that I felt for my husband secret to protect him from having to deal with it and for fear of his reactions. The past few months have been the worst and this past weekend I felt so angry and trapped because I knew I couldn't just run away. I listened to the CD two more times before I went to sleep. For the first time, I know what I need to say to my husband and how to go about it. I woke up this morning without a headache for the first time in about three months. I believe that it is important to let people know when they have been a blessing to you. I don't understand why it has taken so many years for my prayers to be answered, only God knows and that's ok. I feel like I am finally able to let myself succeed in life without sabotaging my efforts.

Thank you again.

God Bless you with His abundance. I pray that we have the chance to meet again.

Sincerely, (Name withheld. Feb 2007)

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